I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich