The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?