Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.