there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"