Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wyoming (307)

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  he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.

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  (307): he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back. http://tfl.nu/n0f2
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  I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.

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  (307): I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome. http://tfl.nu/fygk
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  being pregnant is like rehab

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  (307): being pregnant is like rehab http://tfl.nu/vkth
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  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

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  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
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  You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.

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  (307): You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home. http://tfl.nu/j8m0
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  WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?

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  (307): WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT? http://tfl.nu/38wl
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  She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.

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  (307): She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche. http://tfl.nu/hl4o
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  I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.

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  (307): I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist. http://tfl.nu/unvw
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  I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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  (307): I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen. http://tfl.nu/qqp8
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  The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story

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  The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.

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  (307): The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story (307): The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nooi
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  It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"

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  (307): It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically" http://tfl.nu/yzem
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  Did I show you my penis last night?

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  (307): Did I show you my penis last night? http://tfl.nu/i066
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  you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?

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  (307): you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right? http://tfl.nu/h1i3
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  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

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  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
  Replies (60) Good night (7264) Bad night (1096)
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  I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.

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  (307): I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real. http://tfl.nu/ype2
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