there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
being pregnant is like rehab
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"