I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.