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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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