Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (303)

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  No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.

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  (303): No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities. http://tfl.nu/n27f
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  Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles

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  (303): Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles http://tfl.nu/b1h9
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  They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.

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  (303): They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/u9wl
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  I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper

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  (303): I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper http://tfl.nu/1zv1
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  New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...

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  (303): New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later... http://tfl.nu/qijg
  Replies (4) Good night (795) Bad night (179)
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  Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.

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  (303): Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful. http://tfl.nu/s24n
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  Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.

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  (303): Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture. http://tfl.nu/4zls
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  Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?

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  (303): Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix? http://tfl.nu/afh5
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  Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame

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  (303): Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame http://tfl.nu/4ytk
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  Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.

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  (303): Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash. http://tfl.nu/958z
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  that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment

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  (303): that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment http://tfl.nu/t2of
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  I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match

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  (303): I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match http://tfl.nu/tsdg
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  My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."

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  (303): My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..." http://tfl.nu/535j
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  So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"

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  (303): So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode" http://tfl.nu/uekw
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  Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.

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  (303): Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way. http://tfl.nu/uitb
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