a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dick very happy bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i think i just lost a toe
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?