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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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