I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dating After Heartbreak
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..