I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i think i just lost a toe
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.