Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dick very happy bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.