Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (303)

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  Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.

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  (303): Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much. http://tfl.nu/2s2x
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  Watching her eat just hurts me

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  (303): Watching her eat just hurts me http://tfl.nu/nzv7
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  I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.

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  (303): I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win. http://tfl.nu/uk9u
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  accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...

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  (303): accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones... http://tfl.nu/822e
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  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

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  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
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  I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off

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  (303): I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off http://tfl.nu/ymwa
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  He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.

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  (303): He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside. http://tfl.nu/ipia
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  I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.

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  (303): I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers. http://tfl.nu/x72i
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  nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ

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  he is risen halelujah

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  (303): nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ (1-303): he is risen halelujah http://tfl.nu/sbcr
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  doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult

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  (303): doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult http://tfl.nu/oh0e
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  I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty

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  (303): I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty http://tfl.nu/j05t
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  well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair

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  (303): well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair http://tfl.nu/spf3
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  Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?

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  Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.

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  (303): Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night? (1-303): Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts. http://tfl.nu/jufi
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  You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.

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  (303): You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead. http://tfl.nu/vdho
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  Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.

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  (303): Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win. http://tfl.nu/txmv
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