Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.