She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.