dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster