Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (303)

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  If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?

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  (303): If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom? http://tfl.nu/ym23
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  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

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  (303): so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name http://tfl.nu/x1lq
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  She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now

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  (303): She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now http://tfl.nu/p6no
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  Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.

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  (303): Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart. http://tfl.nu/j609
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  GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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  (303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a
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  I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.

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  (303): I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer. http://tfl.nu/pliu
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  God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

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  And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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  (303): God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with. (720): And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids. http://tfl.nu/a779
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  once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.

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  oh and he was serious.

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  (303): once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir. (303): oh and he was serious. http://tfl.nu/t6g9
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  you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

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  (303): you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it. http://tfl.nu/a3f5
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  and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster

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  (303): and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster http://tfl.nu/9o1b
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  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
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  .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate

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  (303): .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate http://tfl.nu/8kdy
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  Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.

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  (303): Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life. http://tfl.nu/utnc
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  I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

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  (303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60
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  I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.

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  (303): I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van. http://tfl.nu/3fdc
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