This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.