I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..