Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"