I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.