I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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