He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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