He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everyone says I win the strip club