I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.