Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.