I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat