Everyone says I win the strip club
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex