i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?