i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update