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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
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