Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (215)

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  Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame

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  That is a hangover

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  I would prefer a headache

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  (215): Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame (267): That is a hangover (215): I would prefer a headache http://tfl.nu/ewcu
  Replies (3) Good night (1086) Bad night (390)
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  No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.

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  (215): No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there. http://tfl.nu/8rlf
  Replies (8) Good night (774) Bad night (2677) Order T-Shirt
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  I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

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  (215): I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing. http://tfl.nu/pyii
  Replies (15) Good night (1492) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face

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  (215): Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face http://tfl.nu/pn9h
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day

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  (215): just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day http://tfl.nu/2xr8
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  Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?

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  (215): Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard? http://tfl.nu/x05b
  Replies (11) Good night (480) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up

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  (215): When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up http://tfl.nu/2k98
  Replies (8) Good night (358) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
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  I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.

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  (215): I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa. http://tfl.nu/hvqf
  Replies (4) Good night (1188) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.

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  (215): Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit. http://tfl.nu/g1ie
  Replies (0) Good night (827) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.

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  I'm a pro at the other 9-5

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  (814): You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you. (215): I'm a pro at the other 9-5 http://tfl.nu/i1o5
  Replies (2) Good night (1084) Bad night (312)
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  Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

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  Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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  (814): Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck. (215): Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate. http://tfl.nu/mf4n
  Replies (5) Good night (1232) Bad night (308)
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  Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.

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  (215): Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know. http://tfl.nu/nlx4
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  five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...

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  (215): five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ... http://tfl.nu/nz34
  Replies (5) Good night (1109) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
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  i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain

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  replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum

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  (610): i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain (215): replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum http://tfl.nu/e0rs
  Replies (2) Good night (1352) Bad night (395)
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  If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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  (215): If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life. http://tfl.nu/9g40
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (454)