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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
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