I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.