I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everyone says I win the strip club
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"