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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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