i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everyone says I win the strip club
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck