I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.