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So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
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