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just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
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