Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?