i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
honey bunches of taint.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.