So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.