Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.