Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
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turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.