I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
turn off your phone and go to bed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.