yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.