We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently you make a good broom.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need help removing her.