i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll