Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
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Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.