The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.