I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
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I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.