So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
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Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.