i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta