I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure