I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this