she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
