This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.