He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate