The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Good Food, Cheap Beer, and Hot Singles: the Top 13 Cities for Millennials