This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There r osticjed everywhere