had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you