It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.