whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.