So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words