Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.