He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out