Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?