I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"