my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.