I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.