They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..