Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.