just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...