Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wisconsin (920)

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just left the emergency room. condom extraction.

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  (920): just left the emergency room. condom extraction. http://tfl.nu/bo1w
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  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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  (920): just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny http://tfl.nu/f2gi
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  You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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  (920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5
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  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

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  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
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  Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do

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  (920): Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do http://tfl.nu/w5tc
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  Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

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  (920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t
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  My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

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  (920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma... http://tfl.nu/z5wc
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  My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.

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  (920): My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed. http://tfl.nu/bpdu
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  My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.

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  (920): My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas. http://tfl.nu/6lzb
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  She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that

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  (920): She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that http://tfl.nu/8ytu
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  where does the pee come out of this thing

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  (920): where does the pee come out of this thing http://tfl.nu/pebd
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  Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

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  (920): Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out. http://tfl.nu/bwpe
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  you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.

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  (920): you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving. http://tfl.nu/e2dg
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  The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.

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  (920): The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap. http://tfl.nu/xkff
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  He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...

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  (920): He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of... http://tfl.nu/1eiy
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