I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.