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June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
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