So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!