Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When are your genitals available?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.