Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche