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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
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