Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.