Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When are your genitals available?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.