He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When are your genitals available?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY