I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.