Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.