She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene