At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.