you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.