I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off