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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
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