I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off