"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud