Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
even the AIR tastes like tequila.